Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Back in the Saddle Again

It's the first of Dec.....and, methinks, time to get back to the blog-oh!-sphere.....been away for a bit and I hadn't realized how long until I woke up thinking about what to write here. Mind you, I fell asleep again right away and lost it all when I resurfaced.....damn! It was good too. I'm sure of it.

Anyway, today is the start of the Crazyily Special Season and a post by someone on FB re: gathering at relatives being an excuse for a mad frenzy of feasting on each other's brains..(wow, the visuals that engenders)...has me thinking about expectations and acceptance. This always seems to be the time of the year when folks go a wee bit "strange". I often hear the same sentiment - well maybe not quite so "horror film-ish", expressed by adults. And, to be honest, I was feeling somewhat the same this time too. what with the worry about my Dad and the thing I have happening with my dearly loved child...I just wanted to run away. What usually happens for me at Christmas is the kids go to their Father's home and I go over for dinner. Now, I've made peace with my ex a long long time ago and we are good friends now, including his wife - this is not the big deal. What IS a big deal is sitting there, looking at his amazing home, seeing the kids just being so at home, well what it boils down to ( and I'm not proud of this, but there you go) is: watching him surrounded by everything that I long for but have lost. AND, waking up alone on Christmas morning.

Now right about here I could get really up righteous or sickeningly wise (?) about all that but I won't. Life truly is what we make of it and you can wallow or pull yourself up and get back in the game (oh oh - that sounds suspiciously sick)

So!....I wrote to them both and asked if I could really spend Christmas with them - Christmas Eve, Christmas morn and Christmas day and they said "of course".

And, you know? I'm looking forward to this like you wouldn't believe.

And the goofy thing about it all is: the kids won't even be there!

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