Sunday, February 10, 2013

Stupid Human Tricks

In my life I've gotten myself into some .....well.....decidedly ridiculous situations. I am, without a doubt, completely without a sense of "perhaps this might be a bad idea".....and although I can be immeasurably embarrassed by my penchant toward behaving like an eejit, it has given me a great sense of the absurd and irreverence towards being a tight ass. 
Ok....witness the other day. 
I am not a fan of flossing - yes, all you dentists can collectively gasp here - I am more into the outlaw-slouching-dark-soul image of the toothpick. That little bit of string you floss with is, in my opinion, not up to the task of getting all those chunky bits residing between the valleys of my teeth and gums. (holy dentures Batman, what an image) Now this may also be an early imprinting upon my self of my father always fishing around with a toothpick deep in his maw but I'll leave that to the couch psychologists out there - and best of luck to ya figuring out this morass of a mind- moving along. 
So there I was, dutifully mining the mouth in my way, with my toothpick. Let's just take a small sideways jump here to mention that the toothpicks I use are somewhat crap, but that is what's available out here. And there are good toothpicks out there.
Right, so I'm trying to move the detritus when the toothpick breaks. And it breaks because I was trying to force it into the tight spot between the upper part of two teeth - as opposed to the space by your gum line, which is where you are supposed to be, I believe.  Recall the penchant to not thinking about bad ideas? This would be one of them. Yes, the toothpick breaks off jammed tightly between my teeth. I am now left with what feels like a giant jagged log in my mouth. 
This is when the imagination kicks in with visions of having to phone the dentist to 'fix' this idiotic situation and the resultant 'big talk'...I am not a fan of 'big talks". Who is?
So, we are determined we will fix this. 
Our first move? 
Get another toothpick to try to push out the fist toothpick.
Remember that 'not thinking about bad ideas'? This would be another one of them.
Oh yes, dear reader, that one breaks too. 
Now desperation sets in. THIS is intolerable. What can I do?!? 
Well, for the next 45 minutes...not kidding.....I used anything that seemed like it would be able to get those 'logs' out. A needle (and the thought of how bad that could've turned into, leaves me shuddering but there's that 'not thinking about bad ideas' thing again.) It didn't work. Surprise
I tried all sorts of things....thankfully the idea of a knife didn't cross my mind....eesh....when I reached for my sculpting tools. 
Not kidding again. 
These tools are small implements that are in various shapes that are curved or straight but all thin blades. 
Yes, I did. And it took me a while but I eventually got those toothpicks out. 
With blood. Not a lot of that but not nice. 
My tooth has been very tender these last few days and chewing is problematic but the damn thing is gone gone gone. 
And no 'big talk' well, except for the one I give if I'll listen. 

The picture: This is a fantastic artist : Donald Roller Watson and go check him out. You will be highly engaged. Not just the paintings but the titles he gives them. 
Here's this one:
"Cookie....(disguised as Meg)....yelled loud when she saw him...the flight from Egypt....inches from her mind.....(and on his way to the kitchen of the father).....where Meg had tried, repeatedly, to light a hot fire for the leg of lamb-the Easter ham-for the heat of the moment)....(but, foiled by the wetness)...."
This is the kind of mind that lives with 'not thinking about bad ideas'.

No comments:

Post a Comment